January 22, 2015
(Adapted from “The Beverly Hillbillies”)
Come and listen to a story about a teacher named Rene,
For twenty-five years, schlepped to Merivale each day.
Everybody says he’s never grumpy, never blue,
So the Board moved him up and off to Cedarview.
Bell High School that is…Vice Principal….taxis and tokers…
Next September there’s Rene running fast as you please,
Broke his ankle jumpin’ stairs, now ‘workplace safety’ all we see!
Everybody loves him – they’re never hungry, never parched…
So the Board moved him out and off to Earl of March.
High School that is. Principal this time…music club, techno hub…
Next September there’s Rene – he’s running the big show,
He knows what he’s doing – he has always been a pro!
Then one night, he’s playing poker with the boys,
When up on his phone came an ominous noise….
School Board texting….. Nepean High School…drama queens and trying teens…
Next September there’s Rene, the mayor of Westboro,
He knows all the truants – and where they like to go,
He chases them around, tracks the ones who think they’re cool….
Rounds ‘em all up and takes ‘em right back to school.
Detention that is. Bagels and Bridgehead for staff!
Next September, he’s still there (?) a year has gone,
Still every day he loses keys, glasses and his phone,
The whole city says “this is the place you ought to be”
So the Board moved him out, off to Little Italy.
Adult High School that is. Downtown….. ESL and Metamucil.
Next September there’s Rene, he trusts us and it shows,
Cause everybody works hard – just to see his spirit glow.
He’s always first to help us out in whatever way he can,
So for all the shots of Scotch – we must surely thank Suzan.
For valuing education that is…and supporting the likes of us!
Well, the next thing you know ‘ole Renes’ a millionaire,
Rich with the love of people everywhere,
He’s righteous and he’s kind, and he’s honest and he’s fair,
Not to mention all the ladies think him suave and debonnaire.
Charming that is. Perceptive and thoughtful. Feminist. Activist.
Well now it’s time to say goodbye, we’ll sport a cock-eyed grin,
Cause we’re really going to miss you – you don’t know the state we’re in.
Each year we want you back here, to this locality,
To help us heap some helpin’ with your hospitality…
BBQ That is. Rene Style. Burgers and dogs…June. Don’t forget!
Now that you’re retired we all wish you joy and luck,
With you under-foot, your lovely wife will think you suck.
So after all the golfing, and spa-like-days-of-certain-glee,
Come visit us back here, as we carry on your legacy…
Love that is. Help and hope. Thanks Rene.
You make sure to come back now, y’hear?